A lot of wishing, wondering, hoping and perhaps manipulating would be avoided if a guy just came out and asked you to be his girlfriend. It does happen, but not nearly often enough. Are there any signs he wants you to be his girlfriend? There might not be.

When is a Girlfriend Not a Girlfriend?

The girlfriend question seems to come up in “couples” who live together and have a generally good relationship. To the outside world, they’re girlfriend/boyfriend. However, he refuses to be called a boyfriend or call her his girlfriend.

If you’ve been together a month or two and he hasn’t called you his girlfriend, he won’t – unless something inspires him to make this commitment.

Your Grandmother Was Probably Right

Men don’t see any reason to change a relationship that’s giving them everything they want. Your grandmother might have said something along the lines of “why should he buy the cow if the milk is free.” Living together can be really great, but it doesn’t give a guy much incentive to advance the relationship. Guys can live this way for years. Women get their hearts broken.

You Need to Inspire Him

He needs to want to change the relationship status, a change you need to inspire him to. Making demands will push him away and probably doom the relationship. He’s going to have to want to “lock you down” in a committed relationship.

No Commitment Goes Both Ways

Many guys will only commit when it’s the only way to avoid losing her. If he’s not being explicit about exclusivity, match what he’s giving you. You’re free to date elsewhere if he is. Just be aware this could backfire badly.

If you’re happy with things as they are, leave it that way. If you’re not happy, do something to change it.

When you announce you’re open to seeing other men, there are two possibilities:

  • He will lock you down as his girlfriend rather than lose you or…
  • He says OK and you’re in an open relationship – if you can’t go on like that, it’s effectively over

You have the power to choose the kind of love that fulfills you. If this relationship can’t do that, don’t waste more of your life. A man who refuses to call you his girlfriend may not be taking you seriously. It’s your life. Think long and hard about what you want long term.

Categories: Relationships